i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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