Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
