There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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