Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
