so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
