can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
