I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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