Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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