I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
