so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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