Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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