Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
