I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
