i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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