Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just found a bag of teeth...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
