I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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