its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
