20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
