Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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