I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
