He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
