she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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