She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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