billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
