I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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