Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
