my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
