I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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