Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
