In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
