Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
