All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
