Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
