he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
