I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
