i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
