her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
