I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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