wanna go halves on a baby?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
