I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
