Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
