She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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