the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
