they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
