This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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