I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
