yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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