Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
