i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
