Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
